(Humor) You might own a Tesla if....

Brokedoc

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#1
In the spirit of the great Jeff Foxworthy, this thread is for people to chuckle a little bit about ourselves (or chuckle at people who have an ICE car).

So let start off with YOU MIGHT BE A TESLA OWNER IF.....

* Your spouse is sick of you asking them if there are any errands that you can run out for.

* You have to drop everything you’re doing and run to your car when your phone notifies you of a new update.

* You are constantly taking pictures of your car, even after it rains because of all the pretty colors on the glass.

* You have no idea what the current price of gas is and don’t really care.

* You put pungent take-out food and groceries in the frunk because you don’t want to smell up your car.

* You’re used to strangers giving you thumbs up or staring at you while you’re driving.

* The only time you go to the gas station is to buy Lottery tickets or get gas for the lawnmower.

* When driving any regular car, you keep saying “How can anyone drive something so loud and slow?!?!”

* You’ve already memorized the answers to the Top 10 questions ICE drivers ask you in the parking lot.

* When ordering take out, you skip the free delivery just so you can drive more.

* Your idea of ‘going out and hanging with the guys’ includes talking to strangers while supercharging.

* You go out of your way to drive to the service center in hopes that you can trigger a new software update.

* You have made more Jackrabbit starts from a red light in the past week than in your entire driving life just because it’s fun.

* You always volunteer to be the one to go pick up the lunch order for the office.

* When driving a regular car, you forget that you need to step on the brake to slow down.
 
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Frank99

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#2
* People wonder what you've been up to, because these days you come into the office with a stupid grin on your face.
* You drive to the store 20 miles away rather than the one 1 mile away, because, well, it's 20 miles away...
 

PNWmisty

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#3
When you get to the gas pump you use the button to call the attendant and tell him you can't figure out how to insert the nozzle (just for the fun of it).
 

PNWmisty

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#4
You buy oil stocks just to make it even more fun to celebrate when oil prices go up.
 

Quicksilver

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#5
* Every time you get home from running errands, you check the bumper for fresh kills (bugs) and wipe them off immediately.
* You wipe down the interior of smudges and shoes scuff marks immediately after your family exits the car and get in the house.
* You avoid all lawn sprinklers at all costs because you don't want hard mineralized water to stain your clean perfection.
* You drive like a drunk because you are avoiding potholes left and right (if it is safe that is).
* You drive like you stole it because you want separation distance between you the the rest of the pack.
* You feel like being in a fish bowl because you have the distinct feeling people are staring at your car (thank goodness your window is tinted).
 

SoFlaModel3

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#6
- Your boss asks for a Tesla update as an ice breaker for any meeting knowing you’ll bring it up anyway.
 

Brokedoc

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#8
Every time the media blows up about a Tesla involved in an accident, 10 of your friends, families and coworkers immediately ask you about it as if you were the one in the accident and knew all the details.
 

PNWmisty

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#9
Your wife/girlfriend or boyfriend/husband is jealous of your car.
 

markrodg

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#10
You actually refrain from drinking alcohol on the weekends in anticipation of an unannounced visit from friends or family wanting joy ride.
 

PNWmisty

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#11
You are impressed when you hear a co-worker/acquaintance drives an M3 but lose all respect for them when you learn it's only a BMW.
 

Spiffywerks

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#12
* you come back to your car after being in a (market, store, restaurant) and find someone taking pictures or looking over your car.
 

Spiffywerks

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#13
My wife had some for me after I started telling her this list (which she loves and says is totally spot on... especially the running errands lol)

* you find a new favorite lunch spot because it’s next to a supercharger.

* you take power naps in your car on while supercharging.

* when driving a non Tesla car, you forget you have to lock/unlock the car manually.

* your secondary ICE car never gets used on weekends unless it’s to get gas at Costco, since you’re going there anyways.

* you forget you need to grab the key fob to use another car (if you have Model 3).

* you have to hold your farts now, cause everyone can hear it in the Tesla.

* the navigation screen in your ICE car is so tiny now.
 
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Brokedoc

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#15
* if you are cursing the recent firmware update that *may* have slowed your acceleration but you can still kick Mustang butt from a red light.
 

Brokedoc

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#16
* You give a thumbs up to another Tesla driver and get upset when they look at you funny
 

KarenRei

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#17
* the navigation screen in your ICE car is so tiny now.
Navigation.... screen? You mean the LCD on the radio? Or in the case of my pickup, the hole where a radio once was, until it fell out on a particularly bumpy stretch of road? ;)

(Okay, that's not really fair. Technically, only the front half of the radio fell off. The part that has the tape deck with the tape irretrievably jammed into it is still in the vehicle ;) )
 
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PNWmisty

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#18
You think nothing of driving to a restaurant 50-100 miles away because you heard they had good food.

Or because it might be good.

Or because the restaurant just opened or a friend of your cousin's nephew works there or you have a coupon for 10% off one entree or the name of the restaurant has the same number of letters in it as your spouses' name.o_O
 
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PNWmisty

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#19
Instead of lamenting that you would pass that car you've been following if you were on your motorcycle, you just pass the car.
 

Brokedoc

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#20
* You delay taking your car in for service because there isn’t a Tesla loaner available. Driving an ICE is just so.....barbaric!